Crofty's Message To The Nation on this Pointless Celebration

If you have read my blog before you may be familiar with my views on New Year. Each year on this date I publish my annual message to the nation setting out my views on the festivities. So here it is:

Try telling anyone, as they are liberally splashing Hugo Boss over their manly chest or donning a posh frock (not necessarily the same person you understand) that New Year is a stupid celebration and they look at you like you have just told them you are off to join a commune of some strange religious sect. Now that it's all over I will explain why I have never quite understood the need to draw an arbitrary line in the sand of time and call it a new year. For that is all it is: an administrative necessity to have a beginning and an end of the so called year. I understand why it is convenient to have one but why celebrate it?.. nothing changes.

At least Christmas, Eid or Divali have some sort of symbolism, even if you don't believe the in the spirituality that goes with them; but new year is a nothing. If we are going to celebrate it we might as well celebrate it in April when at least the accountants have something to be pleased about.

For many people this idea of taking stock of the previous twelve months and looking forward to the next is anathema. The time to take stock is when it is right for you. That is why so many new year resolutions fail: people are forced into resolving when their hearts are not in it. When you really want to do something do it; make a plan, find your motivation for achieving it and go for it. Away with this clap trap.

And by way of a cheery note on which to end; did you know that the early hours of new year morning are the most common time for suicide. Surprised? You shouldn't be when thousands of people who have had a shit year and another shit one to come are forced to reflect on the fact.

Happy New Year!

Now normally my grumpiness is tempered by watching Jools Holland's Hootenanny, there's something cheering about good music, a bit of a laugh and great music (and some good whisky), this year though my heart isn't in it. Why? Because a friend of mine was purchasing tickets for Hootenanny and, just before putting in his credit card details, he glanced over the details of his order. The date of the event was, wait for it, in November.

Not quite the same is it? So thanks Jools - wherever you are. Probably watching Hootenanny on his own wearing his slippers, reflecting on his deception of the nation. Sheesh.

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Crofty's Message To The Nation on this Pointless Celebration

If you have read my blog before you may be familiar with my views on New Year. Each year on this date I publish my annual message to the nation setting out my views on the festivities. So here it is:

Try telling anyone, as they are liberally splashing Hugo Boss over their manly chest or donning a posh frock (not necessarily the same person you understand) that New Year is a stupid celebration and they look at you like you have just told them you are off to join a commune of some strange religious sect. Now that it's all over I will explain why I have never quite understood the need to draw an arbitrary line in the sand of time and call it a new year. For that is all it is: an administrative necessity to have a beginning and an end of the so called year. I understand why it is convenient to have one but why celebrate it?.. nothing changes.

At least Christmas, Eid or Divali have some sort of symbolism, even if you don't believe the in the spirituality that goes with them; but new year is a nothing. If we are going to celebrate it we might as well celebrate it in April when at least the accountants have something to be pleased about.

For many people this idea of taking stock of the previous twelve months and looking forward to the next is anathema. The time to take stock is when it is right for you. That is why so many new year resolutions fail: people are forced into resolving when their hearts are not in it. When you really want to do something do it; make a plan, find your motivation for achieving it and go for it. Away with this clap trap.

And by way of a cheery note on which to end; did you know that the early hours of new year morning are the most common time for suicide. Surprised? You shouldn't be when thousands of people who have had a shit year and another shit one to come are forced to reflect on the fact.

Happy New Year!

Now normally my grumpiness is tempered by watching Jools Holland's Hootenanny, there's something cheering about good music, a bit of a laugh and great music (and some good whisky), this year though my heart isn't in it. Why? Because a friend of mine was purchasing tickets for Hootenanny and, just before putting in his credit card details, he glanced over the details of his order. The date of the event was, wait for it, in November.

Not quite the same is it? So thanks Jools - wherever you are. Probably watching Hootenanny on his own wearing his slippers, reflecting on his deception of the nation. Sheesh.

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Awkard Conversations - Why We Should Have More of Them and Why Our Policies Make It Less Likely We Will

When your gay mate came out to you did you have a list of things that you wanted to ask? Did all of your blokey fears crowd in on you as you remembered the conversations you'd heard at football matches or in the pub - 'backs against the wall lads', 'don't bend down for the soap in the shower' or 'Gays are alright as long as they keep themselves to themselves and don't try and touch me up'.

How did you get over your ingrained manly prejudice? I'll bet it was over the course of a few months as you had conversations over a pint, and had the opportunity to satisfy your curiosity ('Do you fancy me?... oh good....err, why not, what's wrong with me?...)

Many of us work for large organisations with policies and procedures to make it ok for people to be themselves in the workplace - whether it's a visible expression of faith, or simply being able to be 'out' as a lesbian or gay person. But how many of those conversations have you had in the workplace that make it easier to understand? Not many I'll bet.

You see, most of our policies give us a list of things we must not do or say - in fact in our organisation we even had an acceptable language policy which had really good intent. What we lack though is any organisational help to have open and honest conversations that help us get along better and understand life from another's point of view. In fact rather the opposite, people are just too scared to have the conversation - we've lost the words.

My mate Tony knew the sort of thing that was necessary, he was - is - gay but found a way to have the conversations that were necessary in his environment. In Oldham's working mens clubs Tony found a way to rebuff jibes, and even assaults. It helped him being a black belt in karate. His favourite expression, delivered in a gruff Oldham accent, usually in the Gents with his forearm across the throat of  someone intent on attacking him for his gayness, was 'I might be gay mate, but there's nowt queer about me'.

My mate's gran once had a conversation with a neighbour about someone they thought might be gay, she said '...I don't think he's a proper one, but I think he helps them out when they're busy of a weekend...'

The point is that in each of those examples the conversation was of its time and in its own context - we seem to be stifling that with over eager and well meaning attempts to force our language in a certain direction.

Language doesn't work like that, and until we understand it, we'll stifle exactly the conversations we need to have to understand each other better.

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Ducks Discover They Are Living In A Hard Water Area

Bless them for not being overly bright!
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The Works Do - A Cultural Phenomenon, or Just a Good Night Out?

It's my works do tonight, that's what we call it, a 'do'. It's a generally accepted part of our organisational calendar that there will be a Xmas do of some sort. And it is an Xmas do, rather than Christmas, it having its own format and elements that are essential, but little to do with the Christian celebration.
Here is my checklist of essentials - feel free to add your own:

Getting ready:

1. Men should get by with as little effort as possible, if it takes longer than twenty minutes to get ready, it's taking too long.

2. Women should treat the event like a royal ball or gala dinner (which invariably won't be)

3. Women must spot which of the men are wearing the same clothes as last year

4. Men should at least make a token pretence at discretion when assessing their female colleagues' frocks

Food:

1. Turkey. That's it. Any deviation from this rule should be presented in such a manner as to be barely edible

2. Food of whatever type should make every effort to remind the diners of school dinners

3. Place settings must include crackers containing barely recognisable plastic novelties of no value whatsoever

4. Hat wearing is compulsory.

Disco must include any of the following:

Merry Christmas Everybody - Slade

Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day - Wizard

Stop The Cavalry - Jonah Louis (spelling?)

Wombling Merry Christmas

Fairy Tale of New York - Pogues and Kirsty McColl (bless her)

The one by Gregg Lake

In Dulci Jubilo - Mike Oldfield

(These are my essentials - the rule is that they should all be from the era when you got your first Christmas snog... Ahem...I was very young)

The final rule is that the remainder of the evening should disappear in a blur only to reappear the following week as office myth and legend.

I'm on my way to ours, on a bus as I write this. I intend to try and capture the mood via Twitter using hash tag #worksdo
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