Wednesday, 29 August 2007

Camping Explained for People Who Just Don't Get It

It occurred to me, after our trip to Pickering last weekend, that many of our friends and family simply don't understand camping. They look at you incredulously as you tell them that you chose to sleep out of doors with only two thin layers of nylon fabric between you and the elements (not counting sleeping bag and/or underwear - just so you know). For me it's partly the adventure of having to get by without some of what you would ordinarily consider regular parts of your everyday life: television, en suite, running water. It is also deeply relaxing to sit outside your tent in the warm evening air watching bats dart after aerial insects; and listening to the gentle murmur of conversations from neighbours. There is however one rule that ought to be etched into the DNA of every camper: canvas does not have the same sound deadening properties as brick or stone. This is important if you snore; if you and your partner are amorous; or if you suffer from flatulence: going indoors out of politeness to release a gaseous emission is pointless.

As in much of life, gender stereotypes have their place amongst the members of the Camping and Caravanning Club and in order to understand the camping psyche it is perhaps instructive to look at how men respond to the call of the great outdoors. I was amused to see how the uber-masculine four wheel drive fraternity extend their Stoneage chest beating to their
"I have the biggest and best unit on this site (a caravan is known as a unit)"
"Yes, but I trump your caravan with my Mitsubishi Shogun that could tow two of your caravans"
"Damn you, but wait, my Outback barbecue trumps your Camping Gaz griddle"
"Curses, yet I see that you only have terrestrial TV in your unit: observe my satellite dish...."
And the sun sets on this scene that, bar the details, has remained unchanged since man dragged his first partner by the hair into his cave.

On the subject of camping adaptation's, I found it necessary to make a couple of small adjustments after I discovered that I had forgotten to pack cereal dishes. Throughout the history of mankind man and beast have lived in cooperative partnership; you will see in this photograph that the partnership in my case extended to sharing eating utensils: yes that is the dog's dish; and yes I did wash it thoroughly first.


Lisa said...

Washed it thoroughly before giving it back to the dog?!

Crofty said...

You're back I see!...and washed it post-dog and pre-dog - if you see what I mean.

70steen said...

I have done a variety of different camping trips... from the annual 4 days in a 2 man tent at the British Grand Prix very akin to Glastonbury without the music, mud, no showers, no toilets working by day 2 (lovely) to Eurocamping... fab, proper beds and stoves. I am afraid I do like my creature comforts and nothing would ever persuade me to eat out of a dog's bowl even if it had been washed !!

Crofty said...

...he is a very clean dog.

Mystic Veg said...

A fellow Oldhamer and a fellow camper. It must be something in the blood. We're off to Banham Zoo in Norfolk this weekend where there is a campsite and 'Norfolk's largest car boot sale'.
You are awakened by the roars of the animals in the zoo (well the ones that do roar) rather than the twittering of birds.
It's like being in the Serengeti.

Lisa said...

Ok, as a fellow Oldhamer I can definitely say it's not in the blood!
I can think of nothing worse than sleeping under damp canvas. Your clothes smell of damp, the toilets, such as they are, are miles away, everything you eat has to be cooked from the same pan, you can't wash up properly, you can't have a proper shower (assumimg there are some), it's always muddy no matter what the weather is like AND it's miles to the nearest Tesco, I mean how on earth can anyone survive without TESCO??!!
You may have gathered I'm not a camper, bad experience once is probably to blame and it has probably improved a lot since then ( although I may take a LOT of convincing ) I can cope with a caravan, and even a boat on the Norfolk Broads, but not a tent!
Norfolk like the Serengeti? Apart from the weather, the miles of water ways and the lack of vicious wild animals ( other than in the zoo ), you may have a point! ;D x