Police Anecdote No1.

I previously published anecdotes from policing under a pseudonym, now I'm retired I can revisit these.  

I was promoted in 1997 to Longsight Police Station in inner city Manchester. The use of CS spray had just been authorised and we had all recently had our training in its use. During training to use CS spray, officers are taught that the spray forms crystals as it reaches its target causing streaming eyes and nose. The solution to these symptoms is to turn and face the prevailing wind where the crystals are blown away.  

On Bonfire Night I was the custody officer in the old Victorian police station. Just as an aside, it had a door that opened directly onto the main A6, Stockport Rd, out of Manchester. We often had people bang on the door to check whether one of their loved ones was in one of our cells - easier than trying to get through on the phone. 

We were warned of an incoming prisoner who had been restrained with the use of CS spray. Apparently the locals thought it was unsporting of the police to break up their bonfire after they pushed a stolen car on to it. This was the first time any of us had dealt with such a situation. It was also the first time that PC Jack Schmitt had deployed CS spray. 

Booking the prisoner in at the desk of the custody office PC Schmitt had an urgent need to attend to a call of nature so, with the custody officer’s blessing,  he used the facilities of the adjacent detention room. The inhuman wail that emanated moments later put prisoners in nearby cells in fear of torture; but the agonies of PC Schmitt were not the result of inhuman treatment but of his own failure to wash his hands that were covered in the remains of the discharged CS spray canister.

"Sarge, Sarge" he wailed, hoping I would have some solution to his dilemma. I hadn't but his colleagues had, suggesting he dangle the affected part out of the door onto Stockport Rd into the prevailing wind.