The Ice Man Cometh - To A Party Near You

I have written before about my admiration for the skills of the advertiser, so when I discovered I had a relative in what must be one of marketings biggest challenges, I just had to go and investigate.

The relative in question sells ice: party ice; he sells ice for a firm that well, makes it. Apparently there are only three leading brands of ice in Europe and his firm makes all of them - which in turn raises its own questions but let's not get distracted.

I was initially aghast to discover that such a product even exists, until I was put in my place by our Australian relative who said that any self respecting Antipodean would not be seen dead without their cool box packed almost to the brim with party ice into which are plunged 'tubes 'o lager' - apparently you wouldn't want a warm beer. I did try to correct her but she was immovable on this point.

Anyway, I set to wondering how the varying brands of ice compete with each other, and to be honest, I ended up a little disappointed. The principle seems to be: 'It's just ice, buy it if you like'.

Still, it didn't stop my imagination running riot when it came to the potential plethora of ways in which you could reward your loyal staff at Christmas. You could give them all vouchers - for Iceland; or what about taking them to a show - High School Musical, On Ice of course. Or what about the different musical tracks you could play in the factory: Cold as Ice, by Foreigner for example.

Then it hit me - the obvious marketing niche. The North Pole is constantly whining on about how it is melting, so why not simply sell them some fresh ice to replace it. And with the scale of this global warming it's obviously a growing market, you could ship the stuff out by the ton - even better, fly it out there: it would be quicker so wouldn't melt as much.

Here's a thing: I wonder whether the excellent people at Fuel My Blog might like to approach the company for product reviews by our esteemed team of reviewers?

Just in case you think I'm not taking this seriously enough and in the process doing my relative an injustice, here's a link to their website so you know which variety of ice to buy in the supermarket. Just don't be disappointed when you get it home to find you have a bag of water.

Lovely Warm Feet - Despite the Free Market Economy

Do you have an elderly relative who, on day trips to Blackpool or Scarborough, returns with gifts of the type of gadget only sold out of suitcases by men proclaiming their gadgets' unique worth in loud voices with one eye open for the local law. We do, and it's surprising how these tacky plastic artefacts actually turn into indispensable household items. Take, for example, our yellow and black plastic mini-Ewbank, a hand-held version of the larger push along floor cleaner with rotary brushes. Brilliant! we had one for years and it was perfect for whizzing over a few crumbs, until we got the dog, at any rate.

In the same vein, Mrs C discovered another stunningly good idea lurking in the back of one of the cheaper high street stores recently: radiator slippers. A magnet in the sole of each, means that rather than clutter the floor you can attach them to a radiator to warm. So when you have trudged through icy streets and can no longer feel your toes there they are, toasty warm, waiting for you - lovely.

But here's my question. How come these items are the sort of thing you only discover by accident gathering dust in Primark or Peacocks; yet when you tell other people about them they all want one? The answer, I think is my old hobby horse: marketing. The likes of Dragon's Den forces some poor would-be entrepreneur to bear their soul to scorn and ridicule, banking all on the whim of some wealthy patron who like a Roman emperor points their thumb heavenward or hell bound.

This is the reality: the difference between the Remington Fuzz-Away and Radiator Slippers is (aside from the obvioius that the slippers are actually useful) that the Fuzz-Away was backed by a multi-million dollar company who paid for sufficient Christmas advertising to dupe relatives, desperate for the ultimate gift, into buying this bizarre product.

So this year turn your back on telly hype and buy all your relatives wheelie brushes and radiator slippers - support the small entrepreneur.


Thanks to Nikki for the slipper picture.