Friday Night is Chippy Night

Why is it that Friday seems to attract more traditions than any other day of the week? Whether it's going out on the lash; 'Dress Down Day' or have a naughty day in the office day, they all seem to be on Friday.

Around our way Friday night is chippy night: at the end of a hard week nobody can be bothered cooking - but here's the thing - it's not Chinese, Indian or Pizza night; it's good old English Chippy night. So it's off to, in our case, the catchily and wittily titled Frydays (see what they did there) but not before popping into Raja's Newsagents for a copy of the Oldham Evening Chronicle to read whilst stood in the queue that stretches out of the door.

The chippy queue is a social entity. In these day's when there are few local shops and nobody walks anywhere, it's the place where you see your neighbours; or the parents of your kids mates - you catch up on whether Tom's boxing or Kimberley is pole dancing (that is true by the way and her mum will kill me if she reads this).

Queuing etiquette is important too; it's no good standing there thinking that -like in the Chinese - your fish will be ready in the warming cabinet. No, all fish, sausages, spam fritters and 1/2 chickens are cooked to order; so, be assertive when you enter and shout over the heads of your fellow queuers "Will you put us in two fish and a spam fritter please mate"; don't feel as though you are being pushy: it's what's expected.

Finally at the counter it's essential that you know who is serving you; if you get the dopey girl who is more interested in watching passing cars on the road outside, you must watch carefully as she prepares your order - like as not she'll forget to put in your small carton of peas or your curry sauce. I'm pleased to say we only have one dopey girl in our chippy; my favourite is 'memory girl' who - and I lie not - can look you in the eye as you say:
"two fish, two home-made cheese and onion pie, two lots of chips - one big, one regular, big peas, little peas and a big curry sauce please" and not pause once to check, before placing the perfectly remembered list in your Frydays carrier bag and taking your £12.50 off you.

Yes, chippy night is the perfect way to start the weekend: no washing up, no cooking.

Daniel O'Donnell - Good Enough to Take Home to Mother

I noticed in last night's Chron that our local theatre, the Oldham Coliseum is searching for the most dedicated Daniel O'Donnell fan in the area. Their latest production, Women on the Verge, is about two O'Donnell fans and their arduous journey to see their idol perform.

If the O'Donnell phenomena has passed you by, you would do well to speak to my friend Sarah. She told me, a while ago, of the queue that develops outside the Manchester Apollo Theatre in the days before O'Donnell tickets go on sale. Whilst the forming of a queue for tickets is not unusual in itself, the fact that majority of these queuing fans are over fifty, female and sit on deckchairs, with flasks of hot tea knitting gives it a different complexion. Add to the mix that the theatre is situated in the heart of Ardwick, one of Manchester's toughest areas, and you can see that the phenomenon is a little more out of the ordinary. What is additionally interesting, says Sarah, is that although the local, hard pressed, constabulary do their best to keep an eye on these seemingly vulnerable souls, their attentions seem to be unnecessary. The local street robbers are apparently often in evidence, hooded-up on mountain bikes, but they leave the queue of ardent O'Donnellites unmolested - to attack these grandmas would seemingly breach some robbers' code.